Diary Dearest

Diary Dearest

Be Free

When a Good Friendship Goes Bad


“I never saw it coming!”

A dear, dear friend turned stranger. Really! I am no babe in the woods. What was I thinking? How did this happen? Terms like: “I would never”… “she would never”… “they would never”… have no place in an adult vocabulary. Those are terms of youth, used before life “schools you” in the Darwinian nature of adult relationships. As it turns out, good old-fashioned got-your-back-(under any conditions)-we-are-in-this-together-(life), “I want the best for you” friendships are rare and priceless gifts.

I wonder if the divorce rate for adult female friendships mirrors that of the marital divorce rate? There’s a thought and in what ways are they similar?

Devastating loss of one’s closest confidant. Realization that you cannot just pick up the phone, no safe place to land.

Alienation, anger and lashing out. Who better to perfectly deliver a “death blow”?

Confrontation, talking about our feelings and make up talks: “I was angry and trying to make a point!” “Well done, you did!”

The he said/she said is replaced by she said/she said. Reminder: we ladies use many more words and are a tribe founded on deep and intense feelings and interactions.

Talking through issues (usually without an attorney), dividing up friends (no sides PLEASE, we are both in pain!), places and experiences. Deeply devastating is the pre-emptive call, coffee, worst of all, lunch with mutual friends. This type of conversation never seems to appear in text or email. Deniability?

Grieving, recovery, and moving on. When the universe slams a door hard in your face… try not to get your fingers caught in the jamb.

The realization that a relationship is no less important or transformative solely due to its length of time. Life happens and it isn’t always pretty.

And most importantly, you chose this friend, loved her and she you. You shared the sweet and the sour of life and she will never be replaced. Impossible. Wax fondly for what has been lost, for it was great.

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